anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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