exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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