he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can I color on your dick again?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
