we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
