mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
