stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
