Having a random hookup so left but love u
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
