I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
my liver is dry heaving
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
