whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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