Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
