we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
