dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
