And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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