it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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