apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
