Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
