my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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