Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
