is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
