dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
