I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
