Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
