Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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