Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
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Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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