no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
