Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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