Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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