I need to stop coming to work sober
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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