I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
