i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
