Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
