i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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