he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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