Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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