My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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