don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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