I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
