You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
