I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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