I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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