you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
