Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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