eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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