She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
