Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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