I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
