You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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