It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
