Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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