oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
