why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
