Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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