I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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