I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
