Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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