i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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