Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
