i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
