And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
