whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
