i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
