Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
