Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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